I hopped in the car with the kids on Monday for a week-long trip to the booming metropolis of Knob Noster, Missouri. Yes, since you asked, we do lead glamorous lives.
Brian is working in Knob Noster all week, and I thought it would be a sanctifying experience if the kids and I joined him there for five days in a military hotel. I woke up with no alarm at 6:30 a.m. on Monday (seriously, that’s a miracle in and of itself) with a list of things I needed to accomplish before our 4:00 p.m. estimated departure. I wanted to wait until after Averi’s nap to hit the road, and I knew I would need every bit of the morning and afternoon to pack for a week in a hotel with two toddlers.
Did I mention it is a one bedroom hotel?
I was shooting for super-sancitifed.
I really would love to be one of those people who comes home from a trip, unpacks my suitcase(s) the moment I step foot in the door, throws a load of laundry in the washer before I’ve even taken off my shoes, and then creates a scrapbook or photo album entitled “Summer Family Photo Album” before the memories have faded.
If you know me or have read this blog for more than a week, you know good and well that just isn’t me.
Not even close.
But this past summer was one of the best summers of my life. Maybe the best. Despite the screaming and tantrums, the sleepless nights, the potty training failures, and my miserable attempts at motherhood, I can look back through my thousands of photos from our summer and know that I am blessed far beyond what I expected. And certainly beyond what I have earned. This has been a summer full of grace…in so many ways.
Let’s start here:
Remember my Labor Day post about how Brian got pulled over in a speed trap for the billionth time this year? And remember how I said I would reenact that in a one-woman show about it? And remember how I vowed to never travel in the car with any of them again until one of them learns to stop speeding and two of them learn to defecate in a toilet and to quit whining nonstop?
Feast your eyes, my friends.
We have a winner and a consensus:
Sarah: “Definitely Dangly. Gangly is when your arms and legs are long and awkward – to me anyway…” Shoot me an email at email@example.com to redeem your earrings!
And the consensus is that “gangly earrings” is not a thing. They’re dangly. Google is wrong.
Alrighty, it’s giveaway time. And confession time. Don’t worry dad. It’s just a goofy confession about my changing body that not even my closest friends know about me.
Aaaaaaaaaaand we just lost my dad.
[Please tell me she's not about to talk about women's troubles.]
Don’t worry, I’m not talking about women’s troubles. I’m talking about my ears.
[I guess it depends on the woman as to whether or not there's trouble in that department.]
Oh SNAP! But, seriously, cut it out. This is a friendly place.
[Who is Katy always talking to in the brackets? I'm so confused by this blog sometimes.]
So, my ears. They’re just…different. For one, they just don’t work as well as they used to, according to my husband. Whether or not that is a “selective” phenomenon is still up for debate.
Remember a few weeks ago when I said I would never again take a road trip while our kids are toddlers? Remember that? Remember how I said I’d rather rip off my toenails with a crowbar?
Yeah. I lied.
Actually, I didn’t lie. I just forgot that we planned this Labor Day weekend trip to my in-laws’ farm house in Indiana. So, last Thursday morning—around (ahem) noon—we piled in the car, set Blues Clues on constant loop, and made the 10-hour trek to the Hoosier State.
Some of you may have picked up on all the hubbub on my Facebook, Twitter and Instagram pages, but Brian and I dashed off to New York City last Saturday for a pretty exciting opportunity. I was selected to join the Google Glass Explorer Program.
Now, In case you are like me and never really know what’s happening until your mom calls to tell you, I’ll give you a quick overview of what that all means:
1) Google invented a wearable computer. It looks like a pair of glasses. They call it Google Glass (or ”GLΛSS” if we’re getting really specific).
2) Google then chose a select number of people to beta test this new technology. These people are called “Explorers.”
3) Google thought, “Who better to wear GLΛSS than a stay-at-home mommy blogger who basically watches cartoons all day and will probably post ridiculous videos of herself using our groundbreaking technology incorrectly?”
Naturally, I was invited to join the Google Glass program.
I believe it was because of all my experience with cartoon explorers—thanks, Dora!
As many of you may have noticed from my social media pages, Brian and I jetted off to New York City Saturday morning and returned to Kansas on Sunday evening. The purpose of our trip was blog-related [update: read more about my experience with Google Glass here], but we did our best to soak up the city while we were there.
And by “soak up” the city, I mean that I ended up sneezing black stuff for a solid 24 hours after we returned home.
[Well, that was an unnecessary detail.]
Seriously, New Yorkers, how do you deal with all that smog? It’s so suffocating!
Wait, I know how. It’s the food. The glorious food!
Mmmm…I could really go for some Bareburger right about now.
Enough about the food, though. That’s not what stresses me out about traveling to New York. The purpose of this post is to tell you more about our hotel. Because I like to talk to fellow hotel snobs before I spend the equivalent of a mortgage payment on a hotel room.
I made two promises last week. One was a promise I made to myself that I will never again take a 16-hour road trip with two toddlers. Unless we move and I absolutely have to do it. And then I’ll probably be in the back seat screaming the entire time. And then the kids can record me for a change.
The second promise is that I would publish this video here today. But, before you view it, there are eight things you should know:
This past Wednesday—the day we drove from Georgia back to Kansas—was probably the longest day I have experienced since I labored 22 hours with JJ. Except for the day three weeks ago when we went from Kansas to Georgia. Both of those road trips were much like giving birth. Long, laborious, loud, and painful.
Only without the aid of powerful drugs.
(Note: I will post a video on Monday entitled “1 Minute in the Car with 2 Toddlers.” I dare you to come back and watch the whole thing.)