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My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:

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New Vlog Series!

I am thrilled to announce what I hope will be the first of many in a vlog series entitled “Kid Questions.” This is where I sit down and—in two minutes or less—answer kids’ most burning questions about anything and everything. I won’t go so far as to call myself an expert on anything and everything, but I’ve been known to wow the toddlers in my house with the breadth of my knowledge.

(Warning: If you struggle to understand sarcasm, this is not the video series for you or your children. For that matter this is not the blog for you.)

Today, I begin this series with a question straight from one of my own children:

“How did the baby get in mommy’s belly?”

Ooooooooh, yeah. That happened.

Please watch and be amazed as I reenact my succinct yet satisfying answer.

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Bat out of Birmingham

These past few weeks here in our corporate apartment in Birmingham, Alabama have been challenging to say the least. Brian began his new routine at a regular, 8-5 job for the first time in our marriage. And please believe me, neither of us is complaining. Brian is home every night, and I’m pretty sure the greatest hazards facing him in this particular career field are paper cuts and carpal tunnel.

What has been most challenging for me is the period between 7:30 a.m. and 5:45 p.m. where I have two sets of eyeballs staring at me like I’m supposed to know how to entertain them all day every day.

Do I LOOK like Chuck E Cheese’s? 

Don’t answer that.

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The Day We Got Sued by Supernanny

Long before Brian and I had children, one of my absolute favorite TV shows was Supernanny. This was a reality program where a female, British nanny named Jo observed the dysfunction in a household and then coached the parents on how to undo years of bad habits they have instilled in their children. Shows like Supernanny are simultaneously hilarious and disturbing to people without children. Brian and I would sit there — in all our childless naïveté — and bemoan the parental failure on public display.

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Super-Duper Parenting Idea

I don’t often have great ideas when it comes to parenting/housekeeping/life in general, but when I do, I have to publish them here for the rest of you to behold. So, if you’re keeping track, this is “Super-Duper Parenting Idea” number . . . sorry, there are so many I can’t keep track. This is probably number . . . let me think. Number . . .

Let’s just start with 1 to keep it simple for everyone.

Basically, in 19 months as a mommy blogger, I have had ONE good, original idea. 

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I promise I haven’t forgotten about y’all. And I know that I STILL haven’t finished telling you about our trip to Indiana and our surprise visitors. I will do that soon, God willing. But our world became much busier this week when we invited my cousin’s 3 1/2-year-old daughter, Ginlee (pronounced Gin-lee, just like it’s spelled), to stay with us for the summer.

ginlee_09

How adorable is she?

If you’re keeping track, we now have a 2-year-old, a 3-year-old, and a 4-year-old sleeping under our roof.

I use the term “sleeping” quite loosely.

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The "Weight" of Motherhood

In case you’ve never made the mistake of telling a toddler that Christmas is coming soon, I’ll give you a quick lesson in cognitive development.

Toddlers have NO concept of time. None.

In fact, toddlers have no sense of any type of measurement. We made the mistake of telling JJ a few weeks ago that he has grown so much recently and that he’ll soon be taller than daddy.

“Soon,” we said . . . like a bunch of stinking amateurs.

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Motherhood: Got Earplugs?

For as long as she has had the ability to speak, Averi has referred to yogurt as “dodoke” (pronounced dough-doke). And since I’m a lousy mom with little concern for my child’s cognitive or social development, I don’t bother to correct her.

“Sure, sweetheart, I’ll get you some sugar-and-chemical-filled dodoke. Just let mommy finish her mid-morning nap first. Oh, and can you hand me that lit candle and the lighter fluid while you’re at it?”

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How to Drive Your Parents Crazy: Toddler Edition

They’re baaaaaaaaaaaack!

[What’s back?]

The McRib sandwich at McDonald’s!

I’m just kidding. I’ve never eaten a McRib in my life. But if you’re a fan, I did find this handy dandy website that records McRib “sightings” all across our great nation.

You can thank me in 15 years when all 70 McRib ingredients have processed out of your colon.

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A Sound I Never Want to Forget

The kids and I were over at my friend Staci’s house last week for a play date. Staci’s daughter, Ellie, is 8 years old, and Averi is absolutely taken with her. My little girl loves to play dolls with “Ehwie” (as Averi calls her).

And Ellie even lets “A-zilla” (as I call her) play with her rather expensive American Girl doll accessories.

A-Zilla

Bad move, Ehwie.

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