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My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:

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This weekend we hosted another round of family here at the Morgan Hostel. I downgraded us from a hotel or motel to a hostel since our visitors have to share a bathroom with two toddlers. And one of them (WHO IS FINALLY POTTY TRAINED, PRAISE THE LORD) doesn’t have very good aim. Also, our guests are forced to eat my questionable cooking . . . which just adds to whole “I may die if I stay here much longer” feeling.

[I think she says stuff like this to frighten away future visitors.]

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My "Super-Simple," "No-Fail" Diet Plan!

Warning:  The following post may be disturbing to some readers. Particularly those with a weak stomach. Reader discretion is advised.

If you caught Wednesday’s post about our exciting car ride on Monday afternoon, then you can probably guess how the rest of my week has been. I have cleaned up vomit 5 different times. FIVE. That’s about five more times than I would have to do it if I had that live-in nanny Brian promised me before I agreed to marry him.

Yesterday at 5:45 a.m., I awoke to JJ’s blood-curdling scream and the reconstituted remnants of his evening meal. I think Bill Engvall is so right about this one: someone should invent an alarm clock that sounds like a baby vomiting because there is NO snoozing!

So, as I watched 12 solid hours of kid-friendly programming yesterday, I put a great deal of thought into Mr. Engvall’s words. If I’ll never have that live-in nanny, then I should probably consider how I can turn these unpleasant moments into a lucrative business opportunity.

Enter:

My Super-Simple, No-Fail Diet Plan

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How to Potty Train in a Year and a Half

Do y’all remember a few weeks ago when I was fussing on Facebook about potty training and how I should just write a book called, How to Potty Train in a Year and a Half?

Best seller in the making

Okay, well, it’s finally happening. I can’t believe it!

All that time spent neglecting my children and focusing on my many, many personal talents has finally paid off.

[Let me guess, you’re finally joining the circus?]

I have a book deal!

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Happy Blogiversary!

On August 16, 2012, I sat down at the computer in our basement and began to type. I was in the throes of “single” parenthood while Brian was away on military business, and it seems I was starting to feel the pressure:

“I would venture to say that Martha Stewart’s sentence vacation in a federal prison was more like a Caribbean holiday compared to the trenches of motherhood.”

Alllllllllrighty then.

But then it got worse…

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diamonds

I know I said it last Friday, but the past few weeks were ROUGH. I don’t mean slightly irritating from time-to-time. I mean spontaneous tantrums from sun-up to sun-down with very little help from Brian since he had an unusually difficult work schedule. Rough, I tell you. Like, single parent rough.

(I want to go ahead and give a big shout-out to all the single parents out there. How do you do it? HOW?)

I was a “solo parent” for two weeks, and I’m halfway to crazy right now. Well, I guess I was already halfway there, so…

I’ve reached my final destination.

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Remember how I said last week that my husband thought maybe I shouldn’t home school our kids because of the damage I could do? You don’t? Okay, well read this first.

So, in an effort to entice our almost 2 1/2-year-old to use the toilet rather than $10,000 worth of diapers or MY LEG, I bought him some nifty, Thomas the Train undies. He loved them. I was convinced this would work.

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