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My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:

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diamonds

I know I said it last Friday, but the past few weeks were ROUGH. I don’t mean slightly irritating from time-to-time. I mean spontaneous tantrums from sun-up to sun-down with very little help from Brian since he had an unusually difficult work schedule. Rough, I tell you. Like, single parent rough.

(I want to go ahead and give a big shout-out to all the single parents out there. How do you do it? HOW?)

I was a “solo parent” for two weeks, and I’m halfway to crazy right now. Well, I guess I was already halfway there, so…

I’ve reached my final destination.

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BRIAN:  Do you want me to fix you something for lunch?

ME:  Sure! I don’t know…um…maybe just a turkey sandwich?

BRIAN:  Okay. Coming right up!

ME:  Wait, do you know how I like it?

BRIAN:  I mean…it’s just a turkey sandwich, right?

ME:  Just a turkey sandwich?!?!? No. Absolutely not. Here’s how I do it:  I get the organic, whole grain bread out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for five seconds. Twice.

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Blue Light Special

You know what is a humbling experience for a 31-year-old man with a wife and two kids?

That knot in the pit of his stomach as he speeds by a cop on a rural, country route. Only to check the rear-view mirror and see him pull a Dukes of Hazzard move in the middle of the road—with flashing, blue lights and siren blazing.

…The frustration he feels with himself as he begrudgingly hands over a sir sandwich in exchange for that infamous, yellow slip of paper. (“Sir. Thank you, sir. May I have another, sir?”)

…And to see his charge written on carbon paper in plain pencil:  “Defendant exceeded the posted speed limit.”

…In a minivan.

…On the way to church.

…With his children in the back seat.

…Ironically, watching a movie about race cars.

…And his patient, quiet wife by his side. Holding the defendant’s hand—and her tongue—because she can sense his frustration. And she knows it is best not to speak in those moments.

(One of these things does not belong.)

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“It seems strange celebrating the fact that we are still married rather than celebrating 8 amazing years. But, by God’s grace, you are my wife today!”

[Um…thanks?]

8years_01

These were Brian’s words in a card he gave me Tuesday night on the occasion of our 8th wedding anniversary. I chuckled as I read those words—though he didn’t necessarily intend for them to make me laugh. Perhaps I found it humorous because he’s so right. Neither of us expected to make it this far. These past 8 years have not exactly been a Disney movie.

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New York City

Start spreading the news.
We’re leaving today. (Actually, tomorrow.)
We want to be a part of it.
New York, New York.

Sorry, I can’t help myself. I’ve been singing this song ever since Brian gifted me (on Valentine’s Day) with a trip to New York City. Actually he gifted me with a trip anywhere I wanted to go, and I chose New York City.

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Prior to my incredibly lucrative career as a professional blogger (ahem), I was a motivational speaker.

I live in a van down by a river

You can laugh. It’s funny to me too.

[This is the same girl whose signature photo features her in a laundry basket eating Pringles, right?]

The Great Motivator

Most of the motivational speaking I did was business-related.

[That’s rich! Did they let you wear those pink, fuzzy slippers while you “motivated” others?]

I conducted seminars on topics like “Conflict Management Skills for Women.”

Okay, you can stop laughing now.

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Snow Day 1

Before I announce the winner of the Celebrate Stupidity Giveaway, I want to share with you a photo I took this morning from inside our house with the door only slightly cracked in order to avoid a face-full of snow.

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Dear 16-Year-Old Me,

Wow, I can’t believe how young you look.

I can’t believe I’m almost double your age already. It’s like I blinked and someone handed me a husband, two babies and a minivan.

I KNOW! We swore we’d never own one. We were wrong. About lots of things.

Imagine that.

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