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“It seems strange celebrating the fact that we are still married rather than celebrating 8 amazing years. But, by God’s grace, you are my wife today!”

[Um…thanks?]

8years_01

These were Brian’s words in a card he gave me Tuesday night on the occasion of our 8th wedding anniversary. I chuckled as I read those words—though he didn’t necessarily intend for them to make me laugh. Perhaps I found it humorous because he’s so right. Neither of us expected to make it this far. These past 8 years have not exactly been a Disney movie.

As recently as February of this year, we very seriously discussed divorce papers, custody issues, and how to divide into two broken pieces what God had joined together on May 21, 2005. We reached the point of hopelessness, and we both agreed that an “amicable” divorce would be best for everyone.

By amicable I mean that I would frequently hurl heavy objects at Brian’s head—just not in the presence of our children.

Sadly, it had come to that.

Yet, we celebrated this week as man and wife…still. And I can’t possibly describe the gratitude and affection I have for my husband. For our marriage. For the people who helped us get through the most difficult time in our lives. And for the sovereign God who decided in his great mercy to completely fix what was broken beyond human repair.

[AGAIN with the ambiguities? Why don’t you just go back to talking about dirty diapers and quit teasing us with all this nebulous mess?]

Brian and I have agreed that we DO feel led to share what God has done in our marriage because it is nothing short of a miracle. And my promise to you is that as soon as the time is appropriate, I will publish it here in the hopes that it might be an encouragement to many. If not an encouragement, then I’m certain it will entertain and/or astonish some.

Worst case, you’ll walk away thinking we’re crazy to stay married to each other.

And that’s okay too.

Because we are. And isn’t that the purpose of marriage? It’s a union—before God—of two crazy sinners who desperately need a Savior to accomplish the task of mirroring the relationship between Christ and the church.

Tell me that wasn’t one of God’s most puzzling inventions.

It’s impossible to do it successfully…without grace.

But I’m pretty sure that’s the whole point.

So, until the time is right to share with you the details of what God has done in our marriage, I’ll tell you what we ate for dinner Tuesday night.

[Yes. PLEASE tell us about what you ate! Because there aren’t 3 billion people on social media who bore us to tears with photos of every morsel they eat.]

Good! I’m glad you’re excited to hear all about it. Because it was scrumptious.

We went to one of our new favorite restaurants called Bluestem located in Kansas City, Missouri. Generally we eat in the “lounge” side of the restaurant since it is about 400% cheaper than the “fine dining” side. But, Tuesday night, we felt the need to splurge on the anniversary we thought we’d never celebrate.

I got so caught up in the elegant menu and the incredible flavors that I forgot to take photos of our first three (of five) courses. Yes, I was that sophisticated patron in the dining room taking photos with her iPhone and practically screaming, “This is the BEST hanging tender of Kansas Angus beef with fermented grains, bone marrow and Thane’s spinach I’ve EVER had!”

8years_06

I just about fell out of my chair when I tasted Brian’s main course of stuffed Campo Lindo Farms hen with fresh Porcini mushrooms, wild spring ramps and whipped potatoes. Because, I don’t know exactly what a “ramp” is in culinary terms, but I gotta get me some more of those in my life.

8years_05

And you don’t even want to get me started on the caramel tapioca, passion fruit, cocoa, almond, coconut, and charred meringue dessert I had.

8years_07

I slapped the waiter it was so delicious.

[Apparently, they’ll even let someone as uncouth as Katy eat at Bluestem as long as she appears business-casual.]

Folks, I’m ALL BUSINESS when it comes to good food. I am practically tethered to my yoga pants. But, if you promise me a good meal, I’ll put on a fancy frock and makeup faster than you can say, “Stinging Nettle risotto.”

Seriously, though, this was the best meal I’ve had since KFC invented the mashed potato/corn/chicken/gravy/cheese bowl. Probably because the occasion was thrilling beyond words, the company was precious

8years_02

(I mean, the guy had flowers sent to the restaurant!),

8years_03

the food was absolutely delicious, and I even had my first taste of caviar.

8years_04

Well, I almost did.

I put that bite of chilled scallop in a ginger puree topped with caviar up to my mouth, and the slippery things just slid right off! So, I still don’t know if caviar is more delicious than a KFC bowl.

And I can’t even tell you how impossible it is to get caviar to stay on a fork. But I can tell you how many times I tried. A lot.

NEVER let good caviar go to waste. That’s what I always say.

Well, that and, “Children, could you PLEASE stop picking your noses in front of the glass door where all the neighbors can see you?”

8years

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Comments to "Eight Years…and Still Counting"

  1. Karmen

    May 23, 2013

    Wow! What a great testimony that I can’t wait to hear more of. Thank you for sharing this struggle–the world needs more stories like this!

    • katyinacorner

      May 23, 2013

      @Karmen You’re so right. And that’s why Brian and I feel the need to share. Because too many people struggle without hope or an example of how God CAN and DOES heal marriages! Thanks for all your encouragement, Karmen!

  2. Alison Atkins

    May 23, 2013

    You look AMAZING in that dress. I am really happy that you were able to work through whatever it was. Congratulations on 8 years 🙂

    • katyinacorner

      May 31, 2013

      @Alison Atkins Alison, THANK YOU for the compliment! Brian is a huge fan of that dress, but he pretends to like everything I wear. Because he’s smart. 🙂

  3. KateHall

    May 23, 2013

    Congratulations on your anniversary! And thank you for your transparency, letting us know that things may look perfect on the outside, but never are – not with anyone. 
    Caviar is gross, so it’s a good thing you didn’t taste it. Although it may have made for another good blog post about spitting it out into your hand or another even more fun place than that. 🙂

    • katyinacorner

      May 23, 2013

      KateHall Thanks so much, Kate. And thanks for all your encouragement throughout those difficult months!
      And, you’re right. I totally missed the opportunity to blog about running to the bathroom to spit out caviar. Or smashing it under the table or something. 🙂

  4. Tamara Williamson

    May 23, 2013

    Happy Anniversary you guys.

  5. Heather

    May 23, 2013

    Ahhh. So sweet.

  6. Brianne Sweetland

    May 23, 2013

    So refreshing to see such transparency! We’ve all been there, but only a few choose to share. Congratulations.

  7. Rachel McCann

    May 23, 2013

    Congrats on 8 years, and also on making it out the other side stronger and more committed. I have been meaning to respond to your email for weeks now, but I’ll just say here that I am still fighting as well, and while some days it seems like it would just be easier to cut our losses and walk away, I’m not ready to give up just yet. You and Brian give me hope that we can make it as well, for our babies and for each other.

    • katyinacorner

      May 23, 2013

      @Rachel McCann Keep at it, Rachel! Read, pray, fast and FIGHT for your marriage! You and your family are in my prayers…truly. Please stay with me and let me know how God is growing you through this process. Much love, sister!

  8. Amanda

    May 23, 2013

    Katy, I just love you more and more with every post you write!  You really are an ecouragement :).  Thanks for being brave enough to share your story with us, which I’m sure isn’t easy to do.  My husband and I always say that if anyone REALLY knew how hard marriage is, no one would get married!  Praying for y’all.

    • katyinacorner

      May 31, 2013

      @Amanda Isn’t that right?!?!?!? Thanks for the comment and the compliments, Amanda! I’m so glad this blog can be an encouragement to others.

  9. Katy’s Mama

    May 24, 2013

    So glad y’all had a good meal. Love the picture of the two of you. If I can live with your Dad for 35 years there is hope for anyone:-) I am sure he would agree with me that I am a breeze!! Love you and praying daily for you & Brian.

    • katyinacorner

      June 10, 2013

      Katy’s Mama I won’t start telling stories on you, mama. 😉 Your marriage has always been such an example to me. Love you!

  10. tckirby05

    May 24, 2013

    Congrats on your anniversary! I must say though that I don’t agree with the statement that you made about only being able to get through marriage by having faith in God. You said that marriage is impossible to get through without grace. My husband and I have been married for 8 years also and we are both Agnostic. I’m pretty sure there are thousands and thousands of marriages that are going strong without religion. I’m honestly not trying to bash you or cause an argument in any way. I’m just saying that religion or your faith in God has nothing to do with how successful your marriage will be. It is up to you and your husband alone to make your marriage work. My husband and I were middle school sweethearts and have been in love with each other for 15 years. We don’t have a perfect marriage but we have a GREAT marriage. 🙂

    • katyinacorner

      May 31, 2013

      @tckirby05 I’m really glad you commented, and I don’t feel at all that you’re being argumentative AT ALL. Because you’re right. There are plenty of people who are not Christians and still enjoy their marriages. And I probably could have made it more clear what I meant. 
      As Christians my husband and I believe that marriage was created by God and is meant to mirror the relationship between Christ and the church. But, it’s a union of two sinners. Two sinners who need a Savior. So, in that way, it IS impossible to do that without the grace and guidance of God. It is not possible to have a God-honoring marriage if He isn’t the center of it. Does that make sense? 
      Thanks so much for reading and for your comment!

  11. mustloveleftovers

    May 24, 2013

    I just love this post.  What a true to life and heartfelt thing to share.  So happy for you and hearing of the good prevailing and the power of God sustaining a relationship.  The marriage is a forest, with many changes, dark and light spots, and of course, lots of strange wildlife creatures.  Some days we won’t recognize where we are, and things may seem too vast, but keep the faith.  I love all the pictures, especially the expression on the the couple’s photo, Katy.  Hilarious.  That restaurant looks aMAYzing, wow.  Can’t wait to hear your story, and congratulations on 8 years together.

    • katyinacorner

      May 31, 2013

      mustloveleftovers Just looking back at this post makes me hungry. I wish we could eat there every week. 🙂 And THANK YOU for your encouragement on my blog and with life in general. Your metaphor is RIGHT ON!

  12. Jenny

    June 12, 2013

    What a wonderful testimony to share. Congratulations to the two of you and I hope you have many more happy anniversaries.

  13. Pingback: I Saw Mommy Killing Santa Claus | (Nobody Puts) Katy in a Corner

  14. Sarah

    March 15, 2014

    Hi Katy.
    I came across your blog while searching ‘amicable divorce’ not because I’m looking to save mine but for suggestions on how to keep it somewhat civil for the kids’ sake. I think our children are suffering because we are still married.
    I’m frustrated by this blog because I’m honestly too tired to try anything else. I don’t even have the energy to throw things at my husband anymore…
    Of course I want our marriage to work but I don’t see any hope. If you can share just a bit of the HOW you came to this point I would be grateful.

    • Katy in a Corner

      March 20, 2014

      Hi, Sarah. First of all I want to say that I’m so very sorry to hear about your situation. I’ve been there. I have felt that same kind of exhaustion. I appreciate your honesty and candor, and I want to dedicate an entire post to answering your question. Please check back, and I’ll have a response for you (God willing). In the mean time, please know that I’ve added you and your family to my prayer list. I will share more later, but I will tell you now that my marriage was saved through lots and LOTS of prayer. Again, thank you for your comment. I hope to hear from you again soon.

  15. Pingback: 9 Reasons We're Still Married 9 Years Later | (Nobody Puts) Katy in a Corner

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