My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:
Back at the beginning of the summer – when the temperatures were well over 100 degrees for weeks at a time – I purchased three plastic tubs of Black-eyed Susans from our local nursery. That should be the first clue to our savvy horticulturists that I don’t have the slightest idea what I’m doing here. I brought home those beautiful, hearty flowers along with two more tubs of English Lavender (my favorite) with the best of intentions and the highest of hopes – and with at least a 45 minute fail-proof planting lesson from the woman who owns the nursery. Because, as I later discovered, if you’re going to plant something in your yard at the beginning of the summer, you better know what you’re doing. I left out of that nursery so educated and empowered with a minivan full of flowers!

I must have had SUCKER tattooed across my forehead.

We spent days digging out a horrible-looking flower bed, planted those five pots, watered the heck out of them, and then within a few short weeks watched the sun and heat shrivel them to a fine powder. I should have just taken a $100 bill, dunked it in gasoline and lit it on fire. It would have been a whole lot more enjoyable to watch.

So, what should have looked like this:

Dooce.com’s perfect Black-eyed Susans

Now looks more like this:

Fabulous. Is this not the most pathetic thing you’ve ever seen? I should have just turned this corner into a sandbox. Or a landfil.

And if all that wasn’t bad enough, I’ve got my husband chirping in my ear about the Spotted Bonnies in the back yard that look so horrible. And I’m like, “What in the HECK is a Spotted Bonnie?”

And he says, “You know, those yellow flowers with the black center.”

We are definitely Yard of the Month material, people.

Meanwhile, across the street…

They have five children. Four of them under the age of five. She weeds her flower beds at 11 p.m. She’s Mrs. Green Thumb.

I’m the floral Grim Reaper.


Comments to "Yard of the Month"

  1. Pam

    August 27, 2012

    It looks like you may have watered too much! The good news is these plants are perennials and if trimmed back they may return next year. Just don’t dig them up. When we come in October I will doctor them up!! Don’t give up, gardening is trial and error. Between Grandmother Hinesley & Paw Paw you have the genes in you to have a beautiful garden.
    Love you!

  2. Staci Barham

    August 27, 2012

    Just blame the unusually hot and dry summer and try again next year! It could not have possibly been your fault 🙂

  3. G-Man

    August 27, 2012

    Obviously you inherited your father’s “green” thumb.

  4. Brian

    August 28, 2012

    Apparently I’m going to have to periodically defend my honor. I knew those flowers had a girl’s name. In my opinion, Spotted Bonnies is much more socially correct than Black-eyed Susans. I propose a name change. If only I knew someone who had executive branch type experience in a local garden club…….

  5. Olivia Smith

    August 29, 2012

    My step mom, She of the Green body not just thumbs, who lives just east (or is it NE?) of you had her garden shriveling on her. I promise even the experts who have those gardens have had a hard time this summer too. Don’t give up! It’ll be beautiful. And look at the bright side. In KS you actually get 2 inches of good real dirt before you hit the useless clay! 😉

  6. Kerri Zollen

    August 29, 2012

    Ignore how they look this year! Flowers at the nursery are timed to be out on the floor when in bloom. Pretty flowers in the store = cha-ching. A lot of perennials only flower for a few weeks. Sounds like you may have bought them at the tail end of their bloom period. As a PP said, give it a year. You’ll be able to enjoy them from start to finish next year 🙂


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