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My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:

Dear Mustached Men of the World,

We need to talk.I think it’s amazing (truly) what you’ve done this Movember to raise awareness for men’s health issues, specifically prostate and testicular cancer. For that, I have the deepest respect. But there’s just one thing. There appears to be a woodland creature that chose to nest on your face. And it’s disturbing.

I know I can’t speak for all the women in the world. Yes, I’m sure there are those who think that Burt Reynolds and the Quaker Oats guy are fine, male specimens. And I’m sure there are wives of mustached men who love nothing more than exfoliating their face by kissing a Brillo pad each and every day.

But the fact is that the rest of us have to watch you eat, and, quite frankly, it’s horrifying.

Dear mustached man, your wife won’t tell you this, but there is nothing more disgusting than a man with a thick mustache eating yogurt. Or peanut butter. Or watermelon. Or popcorn. Or…anything.

(Hey! My husband has a mustache, and I think it’s hot!)

Men, it is time to stop making liars of your wives and shave that nasty mess so they don’t have to pretend any more. We all know how manly you are and that you can sprout hair within hours on command. We’ve seen your armpits, and we’re amazed.

But please, I beg you, save us all from the thought of you eating salsa.

I have to go throw up now.

Sincerely,

Mortified in Montgomery

P.S. – Do you know what looks more ridiculous than that caterpillar on your face?

This:

Also, this:

Finally, don’t forget to check out the music video at the beginning of this post. It perfectly captures the spirit of the manly mustache…and the wives who loathe it.

“That bushy bundle was a fertile jungle of ideas changing the world.”

Well, guys, when you put it that way…

I have to throw up again.

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Comments to "When Hairy Met Salsa"

  1. Gman

    November 21, 2012

    Too funny! Love the moustache song. I’ll have to admit, I may have to grow a moustache because the hair on my head is turning loose. If I end up with no hair at all, as it seems things are heading that way, you might as well stamp Titleist on my forehead.

  2. Jill

    November 21, 2012

    Oh, you always put things so well…I could not agree more–I loathe mustaches!!! Tomorrow I get to spend several hours trying desperately not to witness my brother in law eating anything through his ridiculous biker-type mustache–yuck!!!!! Happy Thanksgiving, let me know when it is save to look up, will ya?!

  3. KateHall

    November 25, 2012

    Thank goodness Movember is almost over.

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