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Operation Hazmat, Averi

There’s a very good reason I don’t like to leave the house with my kids. Actually, there are many good reasons I don’t like to leave the house with my kids, but I only want to discuss one of them today.

It seems that every time our kids step foot out the door, one of them comes home with some kind of kid-borne illness. Usually it isn’t serious–just a cough or sniffle–but this time had me a bit concerned.

We went this past Saturday to a 3-year-old birthday party that we later joked with the child’s parents was more like his first fraternity party. They had pizza, yelling, food smashed into the carpet and walls, lots of solo cups, and, naturally, someone threw up…everywhere.

It was epic.

The next morning, Averi suddenly wasn’t herself. And then she did a little birthday party reenactment for us ALL OVER HER ROOM.

It was funnier when it was someone else’s kid.

No joke, they should really send new parents home from the hospital with hazmat suits.

My concern is that this has continued since Sunday morning, and there’s still no end in sight. She hasn’t eaten a thing that hasn’t…um…resurfaced.

I’m so sorry if you’re reading this while eating. You may want to finish that chili dog before you continue.

Aaaaaaaaaaand we just lost my dad.

Finally, as Snowmageddon Round Two was looming Monday morning, I had to take Averi to the ER. Her fever wasn’t waning, she couldn’t eat, and I was worried that she may be dehydrated. I also didn’t want to be stuck in the house with no ability to seek medical help.

Fortunately for all of us, Averi still has the strength to SCREAM non-stop. I doubt dehydration, a blizzard, or any other force of nature could stop this child from her constant scream-for-all. Duct tape doesn’t work very well either.

Kidding. Hang up the phone, mom.

(One day I’ll post a video of her screaming so y’all will know I’m not exaggerating. It’s unreal.)

We got to the ER around noon, went immediately to the first available room, got checked in within 5 minutes, and saw the doctor within 10.

Has that ever happened in the history of mankind?

(This is the same hospital, by the way, that I went to the night I miscarried, and I can’t say enough about how incredible that ER staff truly is.)

Anyhow, this doctor–who had apparently eaten a Whopper with EXTRA onions for lunch–took one look at Averi’s rather energetic demeanor and basically told me to quit being a hypochondriac. But in a really nice way. He said there’s nothing to worry about and that she obviously wasn’t dehydrated. As was evident by her perpetual motion.

Still, it concerns me that she can’t eat without…well, you get the idea.

All I’m saying is that there’s not an impermeable suit on earth that can withstand the stench of baby puke. Am I right, parents?

Chili dog, anyone?

I’m sorry.


Comments to "Operation Hazmat"

  1. Alecia M

    February 27, 2013

    Screaming or not  – SHE IS ONE CUTE KID!

  2. maschroeder

    February 27, 2013

    Ironically, I spent an hour last night cleaning up puke in my 24 year old baby’s apartment! she called crying, “Mama, it’s  SOOO BAD!! I need help!”  I flew to her side, expecting to pat her head and say soothing things….nope, it was “clean my puke because even as an adult I can’t seem to make it to the bathroom in time, EWWW”.  Such a rewarding job, no?

  3. Phinesley

    February 27, 2013

    I have heard the scream and wonder if it hurts her ears as much as it hurts everyone around her.  I suggest earplugs!  But she is so adorable you can’t help but want to just squeeze her.  Of course, not next to your ear!!


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