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The Day We Got Sued by Supernanny

Long before Brian and I had children, one of my absolute favorite TV shows was Supernanny. This was a reality program where a female, British nanny named Jo observed the dysfunction in a household and then coached the parents on how to undo years of bad habits they have instilled in their children. Shows like Supernanny are simultaneously hilarious and disturbing to people without children. Brian and I would sit there — in all our childless naïveté — and bemoan the parental failure on public display.

“Of course your kids won’t go to sleep if they know they can manipulate you in order to stay up late! What is WRONG with parents today? All they have to do is be consistent!”

Silly, pompous, childless Katy. 

Enter: the current Morgan Family bedtime routine.

7:00 p.m. – 7:59 p.m. – Dinner, bath, story time, family worship, last call for potty, last kisses

8:00 p.m. – All 3 children IN BED with lights “out” (or at least dim)

8:05 p.m. – JJ calls out from his room, “Mommy! Mommy! . . . Moooooommy! . . . Mommy?” I hesitantly go upstairs to tell him to GO. TO. SLEEP. “But Mommyyyyyyyyy. Will you lay with me?” Request denied with MUCH wailing and gnashing of teeth.

8:15 p.m. – I return to my desk and attempt to write a blog post.

8:20 p.m. – Ginlee “quietly” creeps into the office. “Sweetheart, what do you need? You’re supposed to be in bed.” She has to go potty. I proceed to escort her to the potty for a 15-minute potty session and send her back to her room. I sit back down to write a blog post.

8:35 p.m. – We hear a scream from JJ’s room. He got his finger stuck in a toy. Brian goes upstairs to remove JJ’s finger from the toy and to remove the toy from JJ’s room. Crying ensues.

8:40 p.m. – I return upstairs to inform him that his crying will wake his sister. I return to my desk.

8:41 p.m. – There is a blood-curdling scream from Averi’s room. She can’t find her tag. As in, the washing instruction tag that is attached to her favorite blanket. The blanket that is literally on top of her. Brian turns the blanket 90 degrees so that Averi can see her tag.

8:45 p.m. – Another blood-curdling scream from Averi’s room. This time, she wants to “touch the 21 things.” As in, she wants to touch 21 SPECIFIC THINGS in her room. In a particular order. With her feet.

This is the part of the story where Supernanny would close the portable DVD player containing our secret footage, look at the camera and say, “I’ve seen enough. The Morgans need my help, and I’m on my way now.”

Supernanny would walk into our house to find all three children engaged in a game of “What Else Can I Do To Avoid Sleep Tonight?” It’s a very popular game in our house. She would then watch in horror as Brian and I engage Averi in a game of “Touch the 21 Things.” Only, that night, there were 22 things. Because she insisted on touching my head with her feet.

She would look us square in the eyes and say, “Betcha wish you’d listened better during all those episodes instead of judging other parents, huh? I can’t help you silly Americans. I’m hopping back in my London cab now.”

I would then leap to grab Supernanny’s ankles as she walked out our front door and beg her to stay. She would trip on the threshold, bust her lip, and rip her stockings. She would hit me over the head with her handbag as she limped to her cab. I would scream from the floor, “No, Supernanny, DON’T GOOOOOOOO” as she sped away. Approximately 28 days later, we would receive a certified letter informing us that Supernanny was suing us for medical bills and pain and suffering (she quickly acclimated to American litigiousness).

And all because Averi had to touch the 21 (or 22) things. 

I blame all of this on Brian. I didn’t even KNOW about this bizarre bedtime routine of theirs until recently. I then decided to document it since I knew you would all think I was making it up — like that’s even something I would do.

[See aforementioned Supernanny story.]

What do your kids do to try to get out of bedtime?

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Comments to "The Day We Got Sued by Supernanny"

  1. Heather McD

    June 18, 2014

    Hey, she can count to 21! That’s awesome! Supernanny should be hi-fiving you!

    My daughter is only (almost) 18-months old, so we haven’t started the bedtime bargaining yet, but she is a stickler about her routine. And if she doesn’t want to sleep, she practices her animal noises and makes herself laugh. Or she screams. There’s a lot of that, too.

  2. Katy's Mama

    June 18, 2014

    That’s one way to teach her how to count!!!

  3. Jen gray

    June 18, 2014

    Omg, my husband had sooooo many of these silly routines with our kids! My faves (that I was thankfully never required to perform myself) were Spinning and Flipping and Flinging, and The Peeking-Out Head. I only had to sing!

  4. Chris

    June 18, 2014

    And I thought my kid was the only tag junkie. 🙂

  5. Alana Jo Whitaker-Couch

    June 18, 2014

    LOL! That is an unusual routine for sure. BUT she can count to 21, so you ROCK! 🙂
    Alana Jo Whitaker-Couch recently posted…Liberty’s Kid’s The Complete Series $5!!My Profile

  6. Damita

    June 18, 2014

    That is seriously the cutest thing I’ve ever seen! Uh, I mean, how dare he start that game!

  7. Cyndi

    June 18, 2014

    That is so cute and very impressive she can count to 21!

  8. It always seems like “fun” the first time you do it… and they you have to keep up the standard. I get so mad at my husband when we starts crap like that. Because it means I have to follow through. “Start out as you mean to go on” is great advice, and I stick to it as much as OCD humanly possible.

    Plus side? Your kid can totally count to 21 🙂
    Lindsey @ Redhead Baby Mama recently posted…Backyard Pool TimeMy Profile

  9. Genii

    June 22, 2014

    It’s so cool that parents can let kids do their weird and favorite things. Your kids are great and well educated. I will track on your web to prepare for my future mummy duty. Love you, dear KT!

    Genii from Milano

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