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9 Reasons We're Still Married 9 Years Later

I’m not gonna lie, I sometimes dry heave when I read social media anniversary updates from one spouse to another.

“Happy 4th Anniversary to my Schnookums! You are my everything. You are hotness incarnate. You are the reason I breathe. You are my oxygen.”

You are the reason I vomit. 

I try really hard to keep my eyes from rolling all the way to the back of my head when I encounter these Facebook declarations. Don’t get me wrong, I have totally posted some gag-worthy stuff in my day. Furthermore, I’m a blogger, and this is basically what I get paid to do on a regular basis.

I spend hours ignoring my family so I can create the perfect post to tell them how much I love them. 

And even though I have participated in this cyber PDA from time to time, I can’t help but think to myself, “Do these two people not live in the same house? Do they not share a bedroom? I wonder if they were in the same room together when he posted this message. Hey, buddy, why don’t you put down the phone, lift up your eyes, and tell your wife that you love her? I wonder if he forgot to buy her a gift, and this post is her crappy gift. Nevermind, there’s a picture of the gift. And a picture of her kissing him when he gives her the gift. And a selfie of her wearing the gift. And . . . their scrumptious anniversary dessert.”

I say all this to prepare you for what is about to happen to you. Today is our 9th anniversary. It has been 9 years since I promised my high school sweetheart that I would “seek to respond to [him] in love as I would to Jesus himself.”

9 Reasons We're Still Married 9 Years Later

Talk about eating my own words. 

Brian and I shouldn’t still be married. We shouldn’t have made it. The statistics or odds or whatever you want to call them were stacked against us, and we shouldn’t be here right now. But we are. BY THE GRACE OF GOD, I am still married to my best friend.

And he’s still my best friend. 

I recently received a comment from a “frustrated” reader that broke my heart. You can read it at the end of last year’s anniversary post. Basically, this reader wanted to know how. How in the world did we go from the “valley” I mentioned a year and a half ago to the joy-filled lives that we now share together?

I want to offer some hope to Sarah (the “frustrated” reader) and any of you who may need a bit of hope for your own marriages. Though, ours is by NO means a model marriage (just ask our extremely patient Biblical counselors). But God has taught us so much about Himself, our own sins, marriage, love, grace, and forgiveness. I’d be remiss if I didn’t gag you all with some serious love talk right now.

So, here are 9 reasons we’re still married 9 years later. I pray that this will encourage you all — whether you’re single, happily married, unhappily married, divorced, or remarried. This list is a celebration of what God has done in our marriage:

1) We’re still married because Brian begged me to go with him to Biblical counseling last year as a last-ditch effort. And I did. And it changed EVERYTHING.

2) We’re still married because I learned that forgiveness is one of the most Christ-like things I can do for my husband.

3) We’re still married because Brian learned that it is impossible for me to go to bed angry if he bows with me in prayer every night.

4) We’re still married because we both learned that we NEED the people of God (i.e. our local church body) to build up our marriage in a world that seeks to destroy it.

5) We’re still married because I want to be close to Brian even when I’m mad at him.

6) We’re still married because Brian is a servant leader who goes out of his way to out-bless me every day.

7) We’re still married because we learned that “God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy” (quote from Gary Thomas’ book Sacred Marriage).

8) We’re still married because we learned that we don’t have to feel “in love” to stay married. And that the joyous feelings associated with love almost always flow from the commitment and will TO LOVE.

9) We’re still married because God is in the business of taking broken marriages and transforming them for His glory.

And now, Katy in a Corner readers, please look in the seat pocket in front of you. There, you will find a barf bag for your convenience.

Ah-hem.

My Dearest Brian,

You were my best friend before I ever convinced you to ask me out, and you’re my best friend today. I can’t believe that God answered our prayers and changed our hearts, healed our marriage, and restored our precious friendship. I can’t wait to spend eternity with you in Heaven as we worship the One who did all of this for His glory.

Thank you for your patience and long-suffering. Thank you for the millions of ways you show me that you’re thinking of me — like a cup of hot coffee on my bedside table every morning. Without fail.

Thank you for always believing in me. Always. Even when I email Oprah or Kelly Ripa and fully expect a response. You never stop supporting my dreams. Thank you for proofreading every single blog post and giving me your honest opinion. Thank you for laughing out loud and then telling me what you read that made you laugh out loud.

Every. Time.

Thank you for being the kind of daddy that I had and always wanted for my children. Thank you for coming through the door after work and saying, “I got this.” I need and appreciate that break more than you’ll ever know. Thank you for understanding that the job of a stay-at-home mom is difficult, demanding, and downright draining at times. And thank you for all the times you make a point to thank me for what I do. Even on the days I didn’t get a chance to shower. Or cook. Or clean.

Thank you for not laughing at me when I talk to you at night while wearing my mouth guard. Thank you for not divorcing me after I peed on you on our honeymoon.

I was in a pool!

Thank you for all the ways you make me laugh every day. Your friendship is the best anniversary gift I could ever receive.

But, seriously, I sure hope you came up with more than that. Because you don’t have a blog, Twitter, or a Facebook account where you can write me a sappy message. No pressure.

In summary, I love you more than French fries.

I know. 

Happy 9th Anniversary!

Yours,

~Kate

There. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

9 Reasons We're Still Married 9 Years Later

[They really should make these air sickness bags MUCH larger.]

Just wait until I post my dessert picture and anniversary gift selfie to my Facebook page tonight. 

Wedding photos taken by our dear friends and photographers at Mercer Harris Photography.

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Comments to "9 Reasons We’re Still Married 9 Years Later"

  1. Katy's Mama

    May 21, 2014

    Happy Anniversary!! So grateful for God’s saving Grace. Love you both!! Have a great day!!

  2. Robyn

    May 21, 2014

    Happy Anniversary! Number 7 is my favorite, and the one that pulls the reasons all together. In a world that tells you to do what makes you happy, do what makes you holy.

  3. Dona

    May 21, 2014

    Having grown to ‘love’ you through your blog, I’m so happy for you and your family!! I was with* you last year during the ‘valley’ and praise God you are through it! Happy Anniversary!!

    *’with’ you as in I was following your blog…not like if I was God….you know what I mean.

  4. G-Man

    May 21, 2014

    Happy Anniversary!! You must have gotten your “sappy gene” from your Mother. 🙂

  5. Shana

    May 21, 2014

    TMI! I did not need to know about your incident in the pool!

  6. Shanna Bennetts

    May 21, 2014

    Congratulations! I know (through your blog) that you guys had a really rough year last year, but hey, you made it this far. Why not. Keep going?
    I had to share this though, because it seemed relevant:
    Elements of fairy tales such as Cinderella were present in 78 percent of people’s beliefs about romantic love. Those people were more likely to have experienced disillusionment, devastation, and angst in their relationships than were those who gave less credence to fairy tales. – Lockhart 2000 [100 Simple Secrets of Great Relationships]

  7. Karmen

    May 21, 2014

    Thank you for your open honesty! You truly are helping others while you give God all the glory. Congratulations on 9 years and I pray you get many, many more!
    Karmen recently posted…Things Too Wonderful For Me to KnowMy Profile

  8. Magda

    May 21, 2014

    Wonderful! So very happy for you guys! Happy Anniversary!

  9. Holley

    May 21, 2014

    Share the pool! Share the pool!

    thanks for your honesty

  10. Kelly

    May 22, 2014

    I *love* your dress!! And even more, the words that inspire me to keep fighting for my marriage. In a season when it’d be so much easier to just give up. Thank you, Katy & Brian! For keeping it real.

  11. Monica

    May 23, 2014

    The next time you’re invited to a wedding, skip buying a gift and print out that list. Every young couple will benefit from those words so filled with faith. Blessings to both of you as you celebrate this anniversary and look forward to many, many more.

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