My Professional Background - Once upon a time, I wanted to be a motivational speaker. Actually, I was a professional motivational speaker for about 5 years.:

Monthly Archives

June 2013

One of the many things I love about this blog is that it gives me the chance to interact and laugh with so many other parents who have either been through the phase of life I’m in or can remember it like it was yesterday. I can’t possibly describe how much it means when I get a message from a reader who says, “that happened to me” or “I know exactly how you feel. I want to dunk my head in a toilet daily!”

That’s what this blog is all about.

It’s a chance for me to share my life, my faith and try to bless as many people as I can while I’m here on earth. But, I probably receive a thousand times more encouragement from you, my readers.

Actually, this blog is a pretty selfish thing.

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I know I said it last Friday, but the past few weeks were ROUGH. I don’t mean slightly irritating from time-to-time. I mean spontaneous tantrums from sun-up to sun-down with very little help from Brian since he had an unusually difficult work schedule. Rough, I tell you. Like, single parent rough.

(I want to go ahead and give a big shout-out to all the single parents out there. How do you do it? HOW?)

I was a “solo parent” for two weeks, and I’m halfway to crazy right now. Well, I guess I was already halfway there, so…

I’ve reached my final destination.

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BRIAN:  Do you want me to fix you something for lunch?

ME:  Sure! I don’t know…um…maybe just a turkey sandwich?

BRIAN:  Okay. Coming right up!

ME:  Wait, do you know how I like it?

BRIAN:  I mean…it’s just a turkey sandwich, right?

ME:  Just a turkey sandwich?!?!? No. Absolutely not. Here’s how I do it:  I get the organic, whole grain bread out of the fridge and put it in the microwave for five seconds. Twice.

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I’m just going to be really honest and tell you that motherhood kicked my butt this week.


We didn’t really experience the “Terrible Twos” with JJ, but we have officially entered the “Tyrannical Threes.” It seems that meltdowns are the norm rather than the exception, and this entire week has been a battle of the wills.

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The Day I Killed My Daughter's Pony

At 20-months old, I can hardly believe the spirit and expressiveness I see in Averi. She squeals in delight when we hold her upside-down and tickle her legs. She has this hilarious, throaty laugh that is reserved only for JJ when he chases her around the house and rams her into the furniture. I stopped him the first few months he did it, but I have since given up. Because she loves it.

She’s like a trained cage fighter.

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Baby Weight & My Prayer for My Daughter

Let’s talk about baby weight for a minute, shall we? I’m not talking about the kind we all carry around for varying lengths of time after childbirth. No, I’m talking about the kind of baby weight that pediatricians like to refer to in percentiles. That stuff that helps us determine where our kids rank in comparison to the height and weight of their peers.

I took JJ and Averi for their annual checkups last Friday. And I have to say first of all that they should hand out gold medals at the exit for those of us who are stupid enough to schedule back-to-back appointments for two toddlers during nap time. This medal of pure gold could have an inscription that reads, “Silence is golden. Bring your kids AFTER nap time, you nitwit.”

Or something like that.

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In case you’re wondering where I’ve been this week, I present to you this photo series to give you an idea. Basically, Brian has had a week full of 14-hour work days, so I’ve been busy as a referee, nursemaid, and the exhausted person who finds herself screaming things like, “Please don’t jump on the table,” “We don’t eat bugs,” and “PLEASE don’t climb the fence!”

Here are 10 Pre-Discipline Photos for your viewing pleasure. Note:  These are just the photos I complied in the past few weeks. I could probably publish an entire book called Parental Guidance Suggested.

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Well, since we seem to have a “crime and punishment” theme going on this week, I thought I’d publish the photo below for your viewing pleasure and for my parents’ inevitable disappointment in my parenting skills.

Geographic Irony

I have 4 observations.

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Blue Light Special

You know what is a humbling experience for a 31-year-old man with a wife and two kids?

That knot in the pit of his stomach as he speeds by a cop on a rural, country route. Only to check the rear-view mirror and see him pull a Dukes of Hazzard move in the middle of the road—with flashing, blue lights and siren blazing.

…The frustration he feels with himself as he begrudgingly hands over a sir sandwich in exchange for that infamous, yellow slip of paper. (“Sir. Thank you, sir. May I have another, sir?”)

…And to see his charge written on carbon paper in plain pencil:  “Defendant exceeded the posted speed limit.”

…In a minivan.

…On the way to church.

…With his children in the back seat.

…Ironically, watching a movie about race cars.

…And his patient, quiet wife by his side. Holding the defendant’s hand—and her tongue—because she can sense his frustration. And she knows it is best not to speak in those moments.

(One of these things does not belong.)

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