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February 2013
Operation Hazmat, Averi

There’s a very good reason I don’t like to leave the house with my kids. Actually, there are many good reasons I don’t like to leave the house with my kids, but I only want to discuss one of them today.

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Operation Bananagrams, Bag O' Letters

You know when you watch news coverage of inclement weather–a hurricane, for instance–and there’s always that one, special kind of idiot who decides they will brave the storm? And then the rescue workers have to risk their lives to save this person from their own stupidity? And the person is all, “Wow! Thank you so much for saving my life. I only had 72 hours to evacuate, and I didn’t think it would be THAT bad…even though the educated minds at The Weather Channel predicted 175-mile-an-hour winds with cars and houses flying through the air.”

Yeah, that’s me.

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Snow Day 1

Before I announce the winner of the Celebrate Stupidity Giveaway, I want to share with you a photo I took this morning from inside our house with the door only slightly cracked in order to avoid a face-full of snow.

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Million Dollar Smile, Drill 'N Fill

I think a smile is one of the most important external features on a person. Because smiles are contagious. Have you ever heard of someone catching an eye twitch from another person? Of couse not! Or a cold sore? Wait, forget that one. My point is that smiles are contagious. For that very reason, they happen to be rather expensive to obtain if you weren’t already blessed with giant, perfect Julia Roberts teeth. Read more →

Celebrate Stupidity Giveaway, Toaster

You know when you’re shopping on Amazon.com, and you accidentally buy two of something? And you don’t even realize it? And all of a sudden the UPS man shows up at your house with TWO 4-slice toasters?

Yup.

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A Valentine's Vignette (3)

As I perused aisle after aisle of cheap, kitschy Valentine’s Day crap in Target yesterday, I had a flashback to what this holiday was like when I was a child. Those days when my happiness actually revolved around whether or not some cute boy’s mom went to the trouble of buying me heart-shaped erasers and Conversation Hearts. You know, the stuff that demonstrates real love.

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I just have one question to ask you on this ordinary, Friday afternoon:  Do you love your job THIS much?

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Late on the evening of January 16, Dr. Matt and a female nurse walked back into the cold, sterile ER room where I waited quietly. He looked at the tiny television in the corner of the room and said, “Can I turn this off? Or are you into this show?” I laughed and said, “No. I just watch Toddlers & Tiaras to make me feel like a better parent.” He smiled, turned off the television, took a deep breath, and then sat on a stool next to the bed.

And I knew.

I knew what he was about to say. It’s the reason I came to the emergency room that night. Because I already knew.

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but…”

“I know.” I interrupted him. I could tell he didn’t want to say it.

“I’m so sorry.” His empathy was genuine.

“It’s okay….” I found myself wanting to comfort Dr. Matt because I knew that was probably the worst part of his job. To face people like me and to have to tell them things like that. Also, because he told me to call him “Dr. Matt.” And that just made me like him instantly.

He shook my cold hand, told me I would be in his prayers and left me with his nurse who told me what to expect in the days and weeks to follow.

She was compassionate, but I could tell she wasn’t comfortable with how to say it.

“Well, the baby – er…fetus – will make its way out within the next few days or weeks. You’ll have lots of bleeding…”

It wasn’t just a fetus. It WAS a baby. With arms and legs and a soul…just no heartbeat.

It was our baby. Our third. We were thrilled. We found out just before New Year’s, and I just knew this was an unexpected blessing from God in the midst of what has been a terrible valley.

At around 11:45 p.m., on the saddest day of my 31 years, I walked through the ER doors back into the bitter, Kansas winter. In my hand I held the one and only ultrasound photo of our 8-week-old baby.

I fought back tears until I reached the car. Once inside, my shaking hands fumbled through my iPhone until I reached a playlist I created in November and appropriately titled “Right Now.” One of the first songs that played is called “Blessings” by Laura Story. I had never listened to it all the way through – mainly because her voice is slightly annoying to me at the beginning. (Sorry, Laura…whoever you are.)

I finally listened to the song all the way through as I got lost trying to drive through a flood of tears:

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

And then this…this is the part that caused me to stop the car in the middle of a deserted road on post and just sob:

What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

What if?

What if every trial I’ve been through since November – things too heartbreaking and humiliating to mention now – are really God’s mercies in disguise?

What if God has more “mercies in disguise” prepared for me? Will He continue to give me the strength to get through them? Because there are times I feel I’ve reached the limit of what I can handle! Will He use these disappointments and the “aching of this life” for His glory?

The answer is yes. Yes, there will be more disappointment (Psalm 34:19). Yes, he will complete the work He began in me (Philippians 1:6) and give me grace in the moments I need them (Philippians 4:19). And, yes, He will cause all of these things to work for His glory (Romans 8:28).

God willing, I’ll keep writing. And, God willing, I will have some more lighthearted topics to write about in the very near future. Like feces. Or Honey Boo Boo. Or politics.

Kidding! I don’t talk about feces.

Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing on this earth more important to me than proclaiming the truth of the gospel. Nothing. That is why I was created. And that is why I created this blog.

But I could sure go for some silly, self-deprecating humor right now.

Like…did you know that I was a child model? Well, I was in an ad with Bill Cosby once. But they cut me out of the final ad because my hand was up my dress.

Stupid, uncomfortable tights.

Also, I cut my own hair the night before the photo shoot.

My mom was pretty happy about that.

Seriously, thank you all for the encouragement you’ve been in the midst of this valley. Thank you all for your kind comments, emails, Tweets, cards, and phone calls. And thank you most of all for your prayers.

I’m humbled. I’m thankful. And I’m truly blessed more than I’ll ever deserve.

Love y’all,

~Katy

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